I swore, when I took on girls in Mexico to mentor them and teach them how to graduate high school without getting pregnant, that I would do almost anything to try and make this happen. And for 20 years, I did exactly that. Whatever it took. There were times that I sent money for tuition that was what I had put aside for buying food or paying the electric bill. For about 3 years, I had bit off almost more than I could chew, having given my promise of support to 5 girls in the colonia. It seemed an endless outflow of cash, faster than I could earn it. But one thing I was trying to teach, was that I am a man of his word, and my word was good. Men like that are rare in the poor colonia culture in Mexico. I wanted the girls to see that the possibility existed.

One of the girls that I was mentoring and paying her school fees and buying uniforms and shoes, was Lupita. She was from Reynosa, a much bigger city than Rio Bravo. She was a city girl. Lupita was the niece of my best friend in Rio Bravo. A very smart girl, who was getting straight A’s in her high school classes. I had known her since she was about 9 years old. I would see her whenever her uncle invited me to accompany him to visit his sister. I had a relaxed relationship with her, and she was a very outspoken girl, who talked with me directly and forthrightly. Lupita was my favorite of the girls that I was mentoring at the time. She was so full of potential, that I was prone to spoiling her a little. I bought her Jeans sometimes, and non-school shoes. As long as she was doing well in school, and being a respectful daughter to her mom, I could be a pushover for things that were not about our promise of studying hard and not getting involved with boys. It wasn’t often, but she took advantage of my softhearted nature when she could. She was about 16 when I had the following conversation with her.

Lupita: Samuel, I have to talk to you about something embarrassing.

Me: Oh, please, Lupita, don’t tell me that you are pregnant.

Lupita: No, Samuel, I am not pregnant. I don’t even have a boyfriend. But it embarrasses me to talk to you about this.

Me: Well, the best way to say something embarrassing is to just take a deep breath, and say it. You don’t need to be embarrassed with me. I love you, and you can say anything to me.

Lupita: I know I can. The problem is this. I only have one bra.

Me: Ok, won’t your mom buy you new ones?

Lupita: She has no money. My father got drunk and went off to Nuevo Tantuan to visit with his family, and he has been gone for a month, and we have no money. And my bra is wearing out because I have to wash it every day.

Me: Ok. So how can I help?

Lupita: I need new bras, and some panties too, because a girl needs her underclothes to match. It makes her feel better about herself.

Me: Well, honestly Lupita, I know absolutely nothing about bras and panties.

Lupita: I can send you a link for what I would like. (she was very computer savvy)

Me: Ok, send it

We were having this conversation on Whatsapp. A couple links popped up. They were for bras from Victorias Secret. With panties to match. And not just plain white bras. They were bright colored bras and panties, really fancy stuff.

Me: Do you have a Victorias Secret in Reynosa?

Lupita: No, but I went to one when I was over in McAllen visiting my tia. They have nice things. These are what I want.

I was of two minds about this. Needing new bras was one thing. Having bright colored sexy lingerie was another thing. I am a man. I always thought sexy undies were to titillate a man. And Lupita was beautiful, and popular with boys. I considered her a fairly high risk in the boyfriend/pregnancy department. Buying her some sexy undies seemed to not be in my best interests. Even though she was making good decisions for herself and getting good grades. And being a good daughter for her mom.

Me: Um, can’t I just buy you some plain bras and panties?

Lupita: Why would you want to do that?

Me: Well, um, you know how I feel about avoiding boyfriends and pregnancy while you are in school. To be honest, wearing pretty underclothes will make me worry about that, and you, even more.

Lupita: I don’t understand. What does the color of my underclothes have to do with that?

Me: Well, boys are going to notice, and then it will distract you from what is important.

Lupita: No boy is going to see my underclothes, Samuel. They are for me. So that I can feel beautiful wearing them. They are not for boys. Do you think I am immodest?

Me: No. You certainly are not immodest. (she was an extremely modest girl)

Lupita: Then what difference does it make if I have ugly underclothes or colorful ones that make me feel good?

Me: I don’t know. I just always thought that pretty underclothes were to please your man.

Lupita: No, they are for me. I like to feel beautiful. I don’t even want a boyfriend. No boy will be seeing my underclothes.

Me: Um, ok, I stand corrected. Are you sure you wouldn’t prefer a nice pair of jeans, or some nice shoes?

Lupita: I have the jeans and shoes that you have bought me. I take good care of my clothes. They still look fine. What I need are bras.

Me: Ok, I will buy what you have sent me in the links. I am coming down in two weeks, for the fall project in Rio Bravo. You can come over and visit your uncle and pick them up then.

Lupita: Thank you. Oh, and I just got my grades for last semester. All 10’s. I am doing well in school.

Me: That does not surprise me. Good work.

So, I had to go to Victorias Secret in the mall, and buy the bras and panties in the links she sent me. It made me uncomfortable, a little. I figured the women shopping in the store, who looked at me out of the corner of their eyes, were thinking I was a transvestite. Or something. I had never bought bras and panties before. Fortunately there was a salesgirl in the store, Olivia, who spoke spanish, and knew what a padrino was, and I told her the short story of Lupita, and she was very helpful with my purchases.

I never bought Lupita jeans or shoes again. For the rest of her school career she maintained top grades because it got her pretty underclothes. That was what was important. A small price to pay, to see her walk down the aisle and get her diploma in her graduation gown. Under which, I am sure, were Victorias Secret undies. She never flaunted them.

Just another way that women get the shitty end of the stick. It wasn’t bad enough that women have to have a period every month, and eventually they have to go through menopause, and that they have to be the ones to prevent pregnancy until they are ready for a child. They also have to pay outrageous prices for their underwear too. I am so glad to be a man.

Lupita  

Thankful to the girls who helped me overcome my preconceptions.  

Girls want to feel beautiful for themselves. It isn’t always about men.

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